10 things I learned from the MADONNA book...

.. and they're all about author Christopher Ciccone:

1. He's a big ol' victim with a capital V.
2. If you break up with him, even if you've been his house-husband for years and he has already supported you completely, he will give you thousands of cash money in palimony.
3. He worked for years without a contract or formal agreement and always just expected Her Madgesty to do right by him.
4. He believes there is a blood test that measures drug addiction and alcoholism. He passed, so no problem. He considers using cocaine on a regular basis "recreational." It's not addicting as long as he restricts himself to doing "bumps" and not "lines."
5. He thinks there's a difference between bumps and lines.
6. Even after his sister outed him in the Advocate, he continued to serve as her lackey, demonstrating the depth of his need for Madonna's approval and acceptance.
7. He's a hypocrite. He gives pseudonyms to all of his lovers but names names of every celebrity he's ever met. He tells tales about drug use by Donnatella Versace and Courtney Love, rats out Bruce Willis for flirting with young waitresses, and tells of Demi Moore's chain-smoking and serial Red Bull consumption, all the while positing himself as somehow above them all. Yet, he's the one catching a free ride on Demi's jet, snarfing up Courtney's coke, and phoning the restaurant to try to procure the waitress for Bruce. Either you're in or you're out, Chrissy.
8. He's two-faced and petty. He keeps making nice with Ingrid even though he calls her a "sycophant" and is supposedly furious at her for telling M that he has a drug problem. As recently as two years ago, he allows Ingrid to throw a party for his birthday - then he and friends storm out when he thinks he isn't being given the royal treatment.
   
9. He does have some scruples: when Kate Moss asked him for champagne and a line just after she left rehab, he said no.
10. He's sad and somewhat desperate. He allows Madonna, the woman he believes has cheated and betrayed him to pay for his therapy.